Yesterday, I asked you a simple question:
What are you carrying alone?
Today, I want to take that question one step deeper.
When did you stop asking for help?
Think about that for a moment.
There was probably a time when asking for help came naturally.
As boys, we asked questions. We asked someone to show us how something worked. We asked our dads, moms, teachers, coaches, and friends for help. We weren’t expected to have everything figured out.
Then somewhere along the journey toward becoming men, something changed.
We started believing we were supposed to know.
We were supposed to handle it.
We were supposed to figure it out.
And eventually, “I can do this” became “I have to do this alone.”
That’s when independence can quietly become isolation.
Independence Isn’t the Problem
I believe in independence.
I believe a man should learn how to stand on his own two feet.
Take responsibility.
Keep his word.
Work hard.
Provide.
Protect.
Lead.
Solve problems.
Get back up when life knocks him down.
Those are qualities we should encourage in men.
But there is an important difference between being capable of standing on your own and believing you must always stand alone.
One produces confidence.
The other can produce isolation.
And the transition between the two can happen so gradually that we don’t even recognize it.
How Did We Get Here?
Maybe someone let you down when you needed them.
Maybe you asked for help once and were rejected.
Maybe somebody used your vulnerability against you.
Maybe you were taught that strong men don’t talk about their problems.
Maybe your father never asked anyone for help, so you assumed that’s what a man was supposed to look like.
Or maybe life simply kept handing you responsibilities, and you became the guy everyone else depended on.
So you adapted.
You became dependable.
Resourceful.
Strong.
Self-sufficient.
Those can all be good things.
But somewhere along the way, you may have stopped allowing anyone to be those things for you.
That’s a dangerous place for a man to live.
“I’ve Got It”
Men can become masters of three words:
“I’ve got it.”
Marriage struggling?
I’ve got it.
Financial pressure?
I’ve got it.
Problem with one of the kids?
I’ve got it.
Business falling apart?
I’ve got it.
Questioning your purpose?
I’ve got it.
Faith feels distant?
I’ve got it.
Until one day, if we’re not careful, we realize something:
Maybe I don’t have it.
And that’s okay.
Because strength was never supposed to mean having every answer.
Sometimes strength means knowing when you need another man beside you.
Sometimes wisdom means seeking counsel.
Sometimes leadership means admitting you don’t know.
Sometimes courage means raising your hand.
Isolation Lies to Us
Isolation has a way of changing how we see the world.
It tells us:
Nobody will understand.
I should have figured this out by now.
People are counting on me, so I can’t let them see me struggle.
If they knew what I was really dealing with, they’d think differently about me.
So we retreat further.
We stop talking.
We stop asking.
We stop letting people in.
And eventually, the very independence that once made us stronger can become the wall keeping us from the people who could help us.
That’s not strength.
That’s isolation disguised as strength.
God Didn’t Call Us to Isolation
Proverbs 15:22 says:
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.”
There’s wisdom in that.
God doesn’t expect us to possess every answer ourselves.
He places people around us.
Friends.
Brothers.
Mentors.
Pastors.
Coaches.
Family.
Men who have already walked through something we’re just entering.
But counsel doesn’t do us much good if we’re unwilling to ask for it.
Brotherhood doesn’t work if nobody is willing to say, “I need you.”
This Is Another Reason I Built the Men’s Summit
This is another one of the many reasons I created the American Family Renaissance Men’s Summit.
I don’t want men walking away from September 14 thinking they heard eight great speeches.
I want men to recognize something about themselves.
You weren’t designed to do life alone.
There is strength in brotherhood.
There is wisdom in listening to men who have walked roads you haven’t.
There is freedom in realizing you’re not the only man trying to figure things out.
And there is tremendous power in finally being willing to ask for help.
Eight men will be sharing their experiences, wisdom, failures, lessons, faith, and perspective.
Not because any of us have life completely figured out.
But because men grow when men are willing to learn from one another.
That’s what brotherhood should look like.
Ask Yourself the Question
So today, don’t just ask yourself whether you need help.
Go deeper.
Ask:
When did I stop asking for help?
And then:
Why?
Was it pride?
Fear?
Rejection?
Disappointment?
A bad experience?
The need to appear strong?
Or have you simply been doing everything yourself for so long that you’ve forgotten there’s another way?
Your answer matters.
Because you can’t tear down a wall until you recognize how it was built.
Your Challenge Today
Yesterday, I challenged you to identify what you’re carrying alone.
Today, I want you to identify why you’re carrying it alone.
Then do one thing that may feel uncomfortable:
Ask somebody for help.
It doesn’t have to be a crisis.
Start small.
“What do you think?”
“Have you ever dealt with this?”
“Can I get your advice?”
“Would you pray about this with me?”
“Can we grab a cup of coffee? I need to talk.”
Maybe you’ve spent years proving that you can do it yourself.
You’ve proven it.
Now ask yourself a better question:
Do I have to?
Independence can make a man strong.
But brotherhood can make him stronger.
Don’t allow your independence to become your isolation.
Raise your hand. Let someone in. Ask for help.
The Power of Asking for Help — Creating the American Family Renaissance
Eight world-class speakers. One transformational day. Built for men who are done drifting and ready to lead.
September 14, 2026 · Online · Join from anywhere
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Build the Man. Strengthen the Family. Restore the Nation.
About the Author
Mike Van Pelt (MVP) is the Founder of American Family Renaissance and True Man Life Coaching — a movement dedicated to restoring the foundation of God, Family, and Country by rebuilding the heart of the man. He is the author of True Man True Ways: A Roadmap of Discovery to the Masculine Heart, host of the True Man Podcast with 250+ episodes, and creator of the Master Class The 9 Marks of a Restored Man. Through coaching, speaking, and brotherhood, Mike helps Christian men break isolation, reclaim their God-given identity, and lead their families with faith, character, and conviction.
Know God. Know Yourself. Live Fully.
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