I recently sat down with Bobby Shelton on his podcast, The Self-Leadership Lab, for a conversation that went places I didn’t expect—and that’s exactly why I love this kind of dialogue. What started as a discussion about the origin of “True Man” turned into a wide-ranging look at identity, marriage, generational silence, decision fatigue, and the one habit that changes everything: asking for help.
Where “True Man” Came From
Bobby opened by asking where the name True Man came from, and the answer traces back to a men’s small group I co-led years ago in Spartanburg, South Carolina. We didn’t want to name it after another “Iron Sharpens Iron,” as that phrase is. Instead, the name came straight out of Scripture: Jesus Christ walking the earth as the original true man. Every man in our group needed one role model to follow, and everything else would flow from that. A coach once told me I was introducing people to “the 21st-century Jesus.” That framing has stuck with me ever since.
The Lie Behind Modern Masculinity
We talked about the biggest deception men face today, and it starts with identity. Most of what men see on their phones is manufactured — the house, the car, the job that supposedly defines a man. None of it holds up. Real identity has to be anchored in Christ, not in a highlight reel. I shared a story about ordering a $68 television that Walmart promised in 21 minutes — a small, almost comical example of how our entire culture is now built around speed. And speed is the enemy of discernment. Sometimes a man has to slow down in order to speed up.
Groups, Listening, and the Weight of Silence
Bobby and I spent real time on why men’s groups matter. Groups force a man to listen instead of talk, a discipline I’ve had to build on purpose. I’ve carried index cards into networking events and men’s groups for years, so I stay present instead of waiting for my turn to speak. I told the story of being six years old, being told I needed glasses, and feeling humiliated for getting an answer wrong in front of the eye doctor. That moment planted a seed of self-protection that followed me into adulthood—the instinct to never ask, never admit I didn’t know. Groups are where men unlearn that instinct together.
Marriage, Presence, and Communication After 30 Years
We got honest about marriage. My wife and I will celebrate 30 years together this August, and even after three decades, I don’t always ask the right questions or read the room the way I should- something I learned the hard way two days before a recent procedure she went through. Communication doesn’t get easier with time; it gets more important. Your children are watching how you handle conflict and hard conversations, and that example gets carried into seven living generations at once.
Decision Fatigue and the Discipline of Simplicity
One of the richest parts of the conversation was unplanned: Bobby and I started comparing our grandfathers’ generation, men who rarely spoke about war, loss, or hardship, to the flood of choices and emotional language men navigate today. Between a hundred paint swatches, endless shoe options, and a menu with too many items, we’re drowning in decisions our grandfathers never had to make. That fatigue quietly erodes purpose. Christ modeled the opposite, He rested, He wept, He waited three days before raising Lazarus. Not everything requires urgency.
The Power of Asking for Help
We closed on the theme that runs through everything I teach: the power of asking for help. Even Elon Musk can’t personally build the rockets he directs. If you’re the smartest man in the room, you’re in the wrong room. Some corners of masculine culture still frame asking for help as weakness. That’s a lie, and men who preach it are not your friends. Real strength is built in community, through curiosity, and through the humility to say, “I don’t have this figured out alone.”
Watch/Listen:
- Apple Podcasts: Why Men Need Community and the Courage to Ask for Help
- Spotify: Listen here
- YouTube: Watch here
About Mike Van Pelt Mike Van Pelt is the Founder and CEO of True Man Life Coaching and the Founder of American Family Renaissance, a faith-based movement built to restore God, Family, and Country in American homes and communities. He is a men’s mentor, speaker, author, and host of the True Man Podcast, where he equips Christian men to break isolation, reclaim their identity in Christ, and lead with authenticity and conviction.